As long as  the butterfly persists in the company of caterpillars, it will feel like a freak. -Monster

Monster's Legacy Blog

This is where you'd expect to find something special, that no one else has access to... but, everything I create is already free, so... all I can offer is my thoughts that would normally pass through my head without notice or interest. If you aren't in the market for the butterfly trails in my mind, there are many tabs of my rampant talent for you to enjoy.

THANK YOU,  Legacy Sonya (Ivy; ft.), & Legacy Amber (crochet)

...for cohosting our first Team Monster space of the year. I appreciate you both. 💖💖💖


...for the #BTYC gift, when I was super ill. 💖💖💖

RIP Twitter... and least for my tweets.

Since Twitter has made it completely impossible for me to be seen, and impossible for me to search others, I'll be posting my thoughts and appreciation here instead of social media. I am looking for less restrictive and unjust platforms for Team Monster. Bear with me, and check back for updates.

Aim. Claim. W.A.I.T.

Aim at what you want to be, do, or have in as much detail as your beliefs and self-worthiness will accept as viable.

Claim it as yours. No one to ask permission; just mentally or verbally assume it as yours.

W.A.I.T. stands for; "What am I thinking?" Thoughts lead to emotions, which sets our current point of attraction. 

The emotional frequency of each thought determines what we are attracting.

Aim. Claim. W.A.I.T.

Constantly assess how you feel emotionally, and make an effort to feel better, even if all you can manage is to go from angry to hostile, or from hostile to irritated. Wherever you are emotionally, there is always an option to elevate in any moment. 

Even if you're already happy, there are various types and levels to happiness, and just appreciating feeling happy elevates your emotional state even more. 

Bullying by Proxy

If you've ever said to someone, who told you they're being bullied; to "let it go", "don't make waves", or advised them not to defend/protect themselves by telling them "it would just cause drama", or "that's not what they said/meant"; then YOU actually bullied the victim, while the original bully enjoys the power and control he has  over both of you now, by inciting you to carry their water. You have just become, a "flying monkey" for a narcissist. (This is a clinical term, so feel free to Google it for more information.) When you prevent a victim from reclaiming their power, you become a "bully by proxy". If you want to be a codependent nervous Nelly, that's you're prerogative, but please do it with your mouth shut so you don't harm the mental health of someone who has already been harmed. Does my tenor make you uncomfortable? Imagine how your friend felt when you let some narcissist get away with hurting them. If you are the bully by proxy, I advise you to scroll down and read or listen to, "Codependent No More" by Melanie Beattie. If you see someone being bullied, open your mouth to stop it and protect the victim, or sit idly by thankful it's not you if you're too solipsistic to give a damn; but the minute you speak up for the bully, you ARE the second bully on the scene. Be the good guy instead, the world need more. We don't need more bullies. If you hurt me, no one notices; but if I defend myself, now it's drama? Fuck you. People have the right to take their power back, and that is none of your business how.

If you have been the victim of bullying, and someone further negates your power (telling you it would cause drama to defend yourself; or otherwise disempowering you, instructing you to stand down), they have just aligned themselves with the bully; ignore the "bully by proxy". As far as the bully; stand up for yourself, ignoring the peanut gallery telling you not to. It's your power that bully took; you have the absolute right to take it back.. Take your power back any way you can. Let them know you won't tolerate mistreatment. You have the right to be treated kindly and respectfully; don't settle for less.

Also please remember; blocking protects only you; reporting protects others as well. Keep our community safe by refraining from making excuses for bad actors. People you think are such a great person, but they are rude to women, introverts, or people not confident with their English... then they aren't a nice person. Do you want to be throwing up pom poms for narcissists? Then pay more attention to who people are before you go tooting their horn. 

You have the right to be safe, but so do the people you engage with. You don't want to accidentally bring a wolf in sheep's clothing into the henhouse. Bad actors a re clever, highly intelligent, and charming. Be wise to it; and your mental health will benefit greatly. I love you. Be safe.

Guided Meditation

I plan to start Monster Presents episodes with guided meditation. I am also recording a guided meditation for myself and my boyfriend, which led me to receiving an idea! Wouldn't other people rather listen to someone's voice they love, rather than my voice? I'm posting the script for one of my guided meditations for general relaxation, and a script for self-hypnosis. It would be best received recording the vocals separate from the background music instead of having music playing in the background while you are recording the script. Keep the music volume below the vocal volume. 95-99 BPM is the best range for alignment. You can obviously edit the script to suit your personal needs. This is just the ones I use most often with the most easy and least duration. Have fun, and follow your bliss!

Guided meditation: Prepaving impending segment (speak slowly)

Only listen to this meditation when you are sure you will be safe to focus on your relaxation without being disturbed.

Please sit or lie in a familiar if not comfortable position.

Before you close your eyes; blur your vision out and visualize your comfort zone, the scenery that makes you feel most serene. 

When I tell you to breathe in; I mean for you to inhale slowly through your nose to the count of four seconds, pause, then I will instruct you to breathe out; at which time you will exhale slowly through your mouth to the count of four.

As you breathe out, we are going to relax entire muscle groups, until you feel boneless. Ready. Let's begin. Close your eyes, whenever you are ready.

(let the music play for a few seconds before you continue)

Focus your attention on your head and face muscles, as you breathe in, two, three, four... and breathe out, two, three, four.

(let the music play for a few seconds before you continue)

Focus your attention on relaxing your neck and throat muscles, as you breathe in, two, three, four... and breathe out, two, three, four.

(let the music play for a few seconds before you continue)

Focus your attention on relaxing your shoulder and arm muscles, as you breathe in, two, three, four... and breathe out, two, three, four.

(let the music play for a few seconds before you continue)

Focus your attention on relaxing your upper and lower back muscles, as you breathe in, two, three, four... and breathe out, two, three, four.

(let the music play for a few seconds before you continue)

Focus your attention on your breathing and relax your core, as you breathe in, two, three, four... and breathe out, two, three, four.

(let the music play for a few seconds before you continue)

Focus your attention on relaxing your legs and feet, as you breathe in, two, three, four... and breathe out, two, three, four.

(let the music play for a few seconds before you continue)

Relax your fingers and toes one by one; and as the last pinky toe relaxes, you'll wake up fully refreshed, relaxed, and energized. 

(allow music to play for three minutes then fade out.

All hypnosis is self hypnosis. -Michael Seeley

Self-hypnosis - Cancel rumination program

This guided self-hypnosis is for the purpose of reducing the negative emotional attachment to a past event. 

Before we begin; be sure you are in a comfortable position, in a place you won't be disturbed.

Before you close your eyes, we are going to look straight ahead, while focusing our vision towards our eyelashes. Allow yourself to blink rapidly, as your eyes gently close naturally.

You are fully relaxed, safe, and completely comfortable.

You see a door in front of you. Open and pass through the door way, where you will be at the top of five stairs.

As we count down the stairs, we go deeper and deeper into our subconscious, where we can cancel outdated emotional programs running in the background of everything we do.

Step 5; your surroundings are more energetic than physical.

Step 4; you're becoming more aware of your energetic self than your physical self

Step 3; you're becoming aware of your desired outcome, on an energetic level

Step 2; you're relaxing deeper and deeper into subconscious mind to update your emotional point of energetic attraction

Step 1; you are now at the depth of consciousness required for programming your own subconscious mind to attract your most desired outcome

You are now in the programming center of your subconscious mind. To access analog files, please take the hallway on the left to the "expired moments". 

To access digital files, find the door on the right side of this hallway, marked "expired moments". Find the computer marked "for updates only", and log in.

For the analog purge, find the filing cabinet market, "trauma only". Put the filing cabinet on a dolly, wheel it down to the incinerator, and chuck it in, the whole damn cabinet. Whoosh.

Once you've logged into the computer, under "what do you want to update", click "trauma only".

Under "trauma only", click on, "emotional attachment".

Under emotional attachment, click, "delete all', "forever", "yes, I'm sure"

Now get up, and throw the whole entire setup out the window for the Bad Memory Monster to dispose of.

If we're confident we've accomplished what we came to do, let's ease back up the stairs at step one; feeling confident in your abilities to choose your emotional point of attraction default.

Step 2; your feeling lighter in your karmic energy, having let go of the emotional attachments to energy that is no longer valid

Step 3; you're coming back into focus on your physical environment, noting your comfort level, and your energetic mood, being sure to keep your focus only on the outcomes your desire.

Step 4; you're aware of your physical comfort, and your current emotional point of attraction

Step 5; you are fully awake, alert, and suddenly aware how to attract to you everything it requires for this day to be a success according to the measure of your beliefs.

(let the music play for 10 seconds)

Nothing is what it seems, but it is... or is it?

People think narcissists hide behind a carefully cultivated mask of a socially acceptable personality, in order to hide a less acceptable personality. The fake personality isn't hiding their innate personality though; it's covering an outdated mask, developed as a child of at least one parent with a Cluster B personality disorder.

In a disordered home with multiple children, roles are involuntarily filled. If the child is broken (depending on multiple factors), they will become a co-dependent perfectionist, absent of their own innate, organically developed personality; a lonely, impressionable, vulnerable target for victimization. If the child isn't broken, they survive by embodying the personality that will please the person who holds whatever they need for survival in that moment with no forethought to future moments. The child who created a masking personality becomes narcissistic; the child who doesn't create a mask becomes codependent. 

So, the narcissist puts a desired mask over an outdated mask that hides a person not even known unto himself. Be kind. We are all doing the best we can, with what we have to work with, under conditions that border on traumatizing some days.

Whether you think you're the narcissist, or the codependent (people-pleaser) click what you need for some healing grade introspection. You're welcome.

CODEPENDENT NO MORE by Melanie Beatie (part one)

CODEPENDENT NO MORE by Melanie Beatie (part two)

Click to find out...

"Can't talk butterfly language 

with caterpiller people." (One Chill)

If a butterfly persists in the company of caterpillars, it will feel like a freak. No one told the caterpillar it would someday take flight; facilitated by beautiful wings. Without knowing what wings are, the caterpillar takes it on faith, that completely dissolving in a tiny sleeping bag is going to lead to an entirely different life, requiring an entirely different skill set, blessed with entirely different benefits and perks. How's your faith, like really, would you believe such a thing... dissolve into nothingness to become something more magnanimous than we can conceive with our current world view and limited self-perception? Well, you should, because before you can evolve into your best self, you must dissolve all of you that isn't innately you. -Monster


People tell me they admire my bravery. It's not bravery;

it's audacity. It takes a lot of audacity to live our truths.

Having the audacity to go after our dreams will get us half way to them. If you have the goods to get you the rest of the way, you will succeed out of sheer determination with a boost from audacity. If you do what you have to do along the way to develop what you need to succeed, you will. We only fail if we don't have the skills, knowledge, or talent when we do actually get that opportunity to realize our goals or dreams. So keep learning, practicing, and searching introspectively because Rumi was telling the truth when he said that which we are seeking is also seeking us. Skills, knowledge, talent, and opportunity aren't enough to get you all the way to the vision of success you hold in your heart and mind; so take some audacity with you. Have the audacity to stand in your desires and truths like you belong there. 

There was so much audacity that led up to this photo. It started with seeing a UFC fight on TV, and ended with me giving away my fight gear (from my own fight gear and MMA management company) that I couldn't fit into my suitcase, at the end of the UFC 100 fan expo at Mandalay Bay in Vegas, the same month I had an article in Muay Thai Magazine, and a full page ad in Fight! Magazine. Holy crap the amount of audacity to even set my sights on any of those experiences, or to even believe myself to be worthy of anything like this, pales to the audacity of thinking I was at all capable. If you want something, you have to believe you're worthy of actually having it, then do anything in your power and everything within your capabilities to make it happen. You are worthy, you are qualified, and you are capable. Now go have the audacity to show up like you belong there.

Go to Bed You Silly Degen


Prior to implementing everything on the list below, I was only sleeping a maximum of 90 minutes at a time, and it was a fitful 90 minutes rather than restful. After changing my sleeping environment, I am now able to sleep a minimum of 6 hours, which is so restful that I don't toss around and I wake up feeling refreshed. The ideas will still be there when you wake up. The new connections will find you. Opportunities will still be available. Go to bed, silly degen. Here's how:

What are all the problems that keep us awake just enough that we are too aware of our mind to sleep? Temperature, fabric, bladder, outside noises, the AC or refrigerator noises, dehydration, light shining from some electronic device or street light shining through a curtain are just a few that I have to contend with, but there are more.

  • Chemically speaking, I use L-Theanine, Melatonin, and THC. If I don't have THC, I'll use Borneo super-green Kratom, but I try not to use that often.
  • I recommend hydrating early in the day, and topping off about two hours before the time your wife wants you in bed. 
  • Lay off the sugar as much as possible; make a game out of eating things with less and less sugar. Next, replace your salt with sodium-free celtic salt. 
  • Temperature controlled sheets keep you warm when you're cold, and cool when you're hot. $50 at your local Walmart; totally worth dealing with the low vibe cashier who hates her job.
  • Pick up a weighted blanket on the next isle while you are picking up those temperature controlled sheets. Also worth the trip to walmart and the $50 price tag. This will be one of the most beneficial investments in the quality of your sleep. Don't sleep on this advice. Buy it today. Thank me tomorrow.

  • Eye masks are essential to your brain getting the message that it is in fact bed time. Your wife isn't being a meanie, your brain needs sleep. An eye mask keeps every speck of light at bay so your circadian clock knows what time it is; bedtime. 

  •  Sleeping in the nude is the healthiest option, but a lot of us are so deeply traumatized, we feel too vulnerable to be comfortable with falling asleep naked. It triggers a sense of fear of lack of safety. This is not conducive to sleeping, so if you're unable to go nude, keep it light and loose.

  • Once you have all these tools in place to give you quality sleep, you are in a prime setting for deliberately meditating as you await sleep's grace. With your eye mask on, tucked in your comfy temp control sheets, snug under your weighted blanket you don't even realize is about to become your new best friend, think "hong" as you inhale through your nose. Don't say, just think, and draw the word out to match the breath; hoooooooooong. Now as you exhale, think "saw", again, only thinking, and drawing it out as you slowly release your breath out of your mouth, saaaaaaaaaaaaaw. Hong in through the nose, and saw out through your mouth ever so slowly. again, and again, until your mind is a blank slate, or until you fall asleep. 

  • Goodnight, silly degens. xo