As long as  the butterfly persists in the company of caterpillars, it will feel like a freak. -Monster

Monster's Mental Health Workshop

Bullying by Proxy

If you've ever said to someone, who told you they're being bullied; to "let it go", "don't make waves", or advised them not to defend/protect themselves by telling them "it would just cause drama", or "that's not what they said/meant"; then YOU actually bullied the victim, while the original bully enjoys the power and control he has  over both of you now, by inciting you to carry their water. You have just become, a "flying monkey" for a narcissist. (This is a clinical term, so feel free to Google it for more information.) When you prevent a victim from reclaiming their power, you become a "bully by proxy". If you want to be a codependent nervous Nelly, that's you're prerogative, but please do it with your mouth shut so you don't harm the mental health of someone who has already been harmed. Does my tenor make you uncomfortable? Imagine how your friend felt when you let some narcissist get away with hurting them. If you are the bully by proxy, I advise you to scroll down and read or listen to, "Codependent No More" by Melanie Beattie. If you see someone being bullied, open your mouth to stop it and protect the victim, or sit idly by thankful it's not you if you're too solipsistic to give a damn; but the minute you speak up for the bully, you ARE the second bully on the scene. Be the good guy instead, the world need more. We don't need more bullies. If you hurt me, no one notices; but if I defend myself, now it's drama? Fuck you. People have the right to take their power back, and that is none of your business how.

If you have been the victim of bullying, and someone further negates your power (telling you it would cause drama to defend yourself; or otherwise disempowering you, instructing you to stand down), they have just aligned themselves with the bully; ignore the "bully by proxy". As far as the bully; stand up for yourself, ignoring the peanut gallery telling you not to. It's your power that bully took; you have the absolute right to take it back.. Take your power back any way you can. Let them know you won't tolerate mistreatment. You have the right to be treated kindly and respectfully; don't settle for less.

Also please remember; blocking protects only you; reporting protects others as well. Keep our community safe by refraining from making excuses for bad actors. People you think are such a great person, but they are rude to women, introverts, or people not confident with their English... then they aren't a nice person. Do you want to be throwing up pom poms for narcissists? Then pay more attention to who people are before you go tooting their horn. 

You have the right to be safe, but so do the people you engage with. You don't want to accidentally bring a wolf in sheep's clothing into the henhouse. Bad actors a re clever, highly intelligent, and charming. Be wise to it; and your mental health will benefit greatly. I love you. Be safe.

Reactive Attachment


Madona Whore


Co-dependent No More

Am I a Narcissist?

listen to this interview of the author of the book, "Cry Like a Man".


"Cry Like a Man"

Birth Order Relevance

Brain Damage Symptoms


Submit Workshop Topic


Anger problems? Quick temper?

How many concussions and other traumatic brain injuries have you had?

Sometimes we harbor guilt, shame, anger, and self-loathing, for many things we didn't even know were beyond our control. Search CTE brain damage symptoms; which stands for chronic trauma encephalopathy. The fucked up thing about society, is how one thing to different demographics, is not equal. Currently, CTE is only diagnosable in autopsy; and only medically acknowledged in athletes and military. I contacted the foundation for CTE, just to be told concussions sustained in child about don't cause CTE; only concussions sustained playing sports or in soldiers. Like really? A concussion in a football players brain is different than a concussion in a 4 year old girl knocked unconscious by a grown man? I don't fucking think so, so my mission, although the core of it is suicide prevention, is actually in furtherance of acknowledgement that any repeated concussions, or significant brain damage, regardless of the events that caused it, could potentially have chronic trauma encephalopathy. My hope is to make such progress as to reach a point where CTE can be diagnosed while the person is still alive. If you have had more than three concussions, or have had serious or repeated head injuries, you could quite possibly have CTE, meaning the propensity to be quick to anger, isn't entirely within your control. We'll discuss more next time. 

Protect Your Energy (...and Mental State)

Before you interact with others, you should be aware of where your emotional state is in regards to the vibrational scale below. Understand, you can not have the impact you want, on anyone below you on the vibrational scale below, unless they are receptive to the idea of leaving the lower vibration they are on. If you are feeling joyful, and you interact with someone who is depressed, they are more likely to bring you down the emotional scale somewhere below joyful, than you are likely to bring them up the scale at all. It is more likely, you will cross path with others on or near the vibration of joyful. 

Egoism and Self-absorption

Narcissistic people are highly self-centered, selfish, egotistical, and self-sufficient; far too self-absorbed, too preoccupied with their own interests, feelings and experiences, to listen to or care about others. They are also preoccupied with their own wants and needs, they neglect to realize other people have their own needs and wants. Narcissistic people fail to realize their needs and wants are their own responsibility, and not that of others. They think others aren't listening to them, when really, they don't hear others, no do they respect the boundaries of others, because they are only concerned with their own needs.

If this sounds like you, click the photo below to find out.